| D |
onald stood on the mountaintop. He felt that he was standing on the top of the world. In fact, he was, as possible as human can reach, that is. Although he lost his legs many years ago, he still got here, a place even those with strong legs couldn't, not even great athletes. He’s the first of their team, the first of the season, but the last to himself.
This moment, as how he had imagined it, should be far more exhilarating than he actually felt, like how one hollers and screams over a can of beer when one is still young and free, free from the years ahead. He thought he would dance and jump around in his artificial legs. But that’s probably because he had never thought how exhausting the whole thing would be, he assumed. He’s tired, drained, just tired. A voice was mumbling deep down. “So I am here, I’ve got here, the top of the world, the top of my life. Let me sleep then, for the rest of my life.” He felt so old. He felt that he’d seen too much, too much.
“Don? Can you hear me? Over.” Kurt, the summit operation head, buzzed through the radio transceiver.
Donald pressed the button. He tried to higher the volume and tone of his own speech so that he’d sound more cheerful than he really was. He just couldn’t let the others know, he, felt nothing. “Oh, Kurt, I’m here, I summitted. Oh, it’s a, er,” Donald couldn’t breathe. “It’s great up here, just great.”
There was a moment of silence at the other end. “Great, Don, I’m happy for you. I’m proud of you. How are you feeling? Over.”
“Oh, great, I feel great.”
“Good. Now, Don, you still got plenty of time. Enjoy it. The others are still behind you. So take your time. Okay?” Kurt asked. “Over.”
Donald looked before him. He didn’t know what to respond. Time?
“Don?”
“Yeah, I’m here.” Donald shook his head.
“Ten minutes. Okay? Over.”
“What?”
“Ten minutes. I want you to start back in ten minutes.” Kurt stressed. “ You still got enough oxygen. But I want to limit your physical pain as possible. You understand? Over.”
“Yes, yes, I understand.”
“Good, see you down here. Over.”
Donald put down the transceiver in his hand. But then it occurred to him, and he picked it up again. “Over.”
Donald stared before him in lost. He could imagine that he was the only one in the world, the one in the end of all, or perhaps, the beginning of all, had he not felt so tired. There was no sign of human cultivation as far as eyes could reach. There was no sign of existence. All the history he learned seemed like such a surreal dream. And it didn’t make any sense at all to reason with himself about the world he knew, he thought he knew. The world he now saw, waves of canvassed white endlessly piled up to the furthest corner of the universe, must had been like this ever since the time God uttered “Let there be light.” Everything was excluded. And he, must be God’s only and true piece of creation. But the weight of his being kept him from wandering. He somehow knew that the logic that’s about to faint was still solid.
Donald took out an old and expired watch from his pocket. He had to fight to fish it out. His hands were shaking, not because he was excited, but because every single movement here is a struggle. Muscles and tissues ate themselves as time went by once one passed the territory marked as the dead zone. Every second that passed meant every inch of one’s own life died away and could never be bargained back.
The watch belonged to his dear friend, Kenny. Kenny died, years ago, when he, lost his legs.
It’s early in the morning. It didn’t show by the watch, nor by skylight reflected on the surface of the watch. There’s always light up here. Except that right now, this lightness, pierced.
Donald put the watch on the ground. He took a step back and watched the timepiece lay motionlessly on the virgin yet barren snow. He changed his mind. He would like to kick it off the ground. But he couldn’t lift his leg. So he shuffled it over the edge. Somewhere from the top of the world and hell, the watch stuck.
Donald turned around, started to climb his way down. He found out then that he didn’t even care if he ever got here. They said one got hysterical or hallucination, or lost one’s reason when one’s brain couldn’t get enough oxygen. That’s probably why, Donald thought, that he couldn’t stop thinking about Kenny.
Donald didn’t want to talk. He just wanted to be alone, alone down the frayed rope with the limp steps.
| A |
thena watched Donald walk away. There was a time, a time of heroes and legends when Athena rode to battlefields and interfered with the world. There was a time when she got involved with men’s quarrels, when she recognized the strong thighs of men, when she adored the delicate face of youth, when she envied the swift hands of women. But now, Athena just stood and watched. Gods weren’t really immortal. They couldn’t run away from destiny. They couldn’t run away from night and day. They couldn’t run away from death, only a different sort of death.
| D |
onald: My name is Donald Sherton. I am 63 years old. I’ve been mountain-climbing all my life, so it’s really a long way, for me, to be here. I’ve climbed my way through. I’ve been er, waiting for this my whole life.
Man: You surely left none for the carrying-on.
Donald: No, no, not at all, I mean, I won’t stop this, I won’t stop mountain-climbing. But, but I suppose, it’d be, maybe a little different…
Man: You lost your legs in a climbing accident. What keeps you going?
Donald: Well, What’s gonna stop me? I never really stop using my legs. You need to get used to prosthetics. There’s a process they call rehabilitation and physical therapy. No, it’s not the same.
Man: But it never stops you?
Donald: What it does, it pushes me forward. I resumed my regular exercise just a few months after the accident. If anything, it keeps me focus on my own body movement and rhythm. Some people are afraid that the pain would divert their focus, and they might not be as good in sports.
Man: But that’s not true.
Donald: You need to figure out how to use your muscles differently, and the balance, too.
Man: Is it painful to walk in prosthetic legs at first?
Donald: A little at the beginning. But that discomfort was easily overcomed by the fact that I got to walk again.
Man: What about in sports?
Donald: Sometimes, yes.
Man: What brings you back to the mountains?
Donald: Well.
Man: I mean, no offence,
Donald: no, no,
Man: But most people might feel traumatized in a way once they face such critical situation. And most people won’t go back. Let alone challenge themselves with the highest mountain in the world, the toughest climb.
Donald: You sound like my wife, Evelyn. And I never know what to tell her.
Man: But what do you think pushes you to go back to the mountains when you know you will face certain severity?
Donald: Right. It could be dangerous. I give you that. My friend, Kenny, died in a mountain-climbing accident. You need to be careful. And you really need to train yourself. But this is something I love. And, no matter what happened, you just, keep going.
Man: Now you mention training. What did you do in preparation for this expedition?
Donald: Like I said, I never stop exercising. I never stop climbing. After my retirement, I had more time. I jog every morning. We travel around, Evelyn and I…
Man: What if you just couldn’t do it? What if you realized at the last moment that you just wouldn’t make it?
Donald: Well, I never er, you see, I suppose I’d have to stop then. Ha ha! But we have a really well-equipped operation, and Warchol is the best, so I’m not really worried.
| T |
he whole thing was absurd, resumed Athena. The woods of the gods, the bed of their power, was now nothing but a tourist spot for the wealthy and the mad, the greedy and the fools. They called it the dead zone. But no one feared her power. No one sensed her. No one saw her. No one remembered that she, shook the woods, that she, put men on a course to extreme terror. This was the throne of the gods, the imperishable, the mighty, the glorious. But now, it’s only entertainment.
She was not always cold and distanced, Athena thought. She loved before. She desired before. She could have been soft and gentle and weak. She could have lower her curls and let it catch the breeze, and let sprayed the scent of her guarded virginity, to every corner of the world, stronger, sweeter and much more rewarding than the musty perfume of Aphrodite. But she was the goddess of chastity, and for that, for the spotless images of herself worshipped through centuries, she must resist, she must close her eyes, she must stand up straight and tighten her grip.
Nothing lasted, anyway, Athena reasoned. Only she deserved to be trusted and believed. Victory never dimmed. She would be brighter then the evening star, forever and ever.
Athena watched Donald left. The sadness and hopelessness was respectable. She, the goddess of wisdom, would allow him to pass, save and peacefully.
Neil: I’m a doctor. I’m from U.K. Everyone told me I was crazy. I’m miles away from home. I spent a lot of money. I wear myself out. And I never climb before! Can you imagine it?
Man: And, can you introduce yourself a little bit? Go on, just, something about you.
Jake: I’m 35. I’m in Construction. I’m from the States.
Man: How do you think this expedition, so to speak, will change you?
Neil: I think it’s great to be out here. Seriously, doing what I do, it’s easy to forget what you want in life. I don’t want to lose the passion when I first decided to become a doctor. And it really helps to, remind myself who I was and who I am.
Jake: Well, I gave up my everything, all my savings. I just know it’s either now or never.
Neil: Say that again.
Man: That's certainly very inspiring.
| A |
thena smiled. Someone was approaching, three men. Now, she would remind them who she was. She walked up to the climbers. She whispered to one of them, “You are the most incredible. You will stand on the top of the world with the persistent and powerful strength you have. You, and you alone, are king! Awaits you on the top, is the glorious victory.”
Jake stopped short. He suddenly realized something he had never thought before. He looked up at the sky. It’s a blurry pale. And he, was the man closest to heaven! And that’s because he fought all the way, along the way. Only he got here not by chance and luck. Only his summit was real. The rest were here because they were fortunate. Grace wouldn’t last. But he had strength, most powerful. He was not afraid. He needed not to be afraid. Because no matter what, he would conquer it.
Athena walked up to another man, and whispered in his ears, “You are the most incredible. Only you aren’t fooled and cheated by the marvelous lies forged by cowards with their failure. You think. And you think correctly, most correctly. You observe every detail. You seize every possible change. You are attentive. You are wise. You, and you alone, are king! Awaits you on the top, is the glorious victory.”
Neil stopped and looked ahead. “A-ga! Look! We are here. We’re at the summit. Something’s wrong with Kurt’s information. We are not that far. It’s only steps away.” Neil screamed.
“No! No! Far! No close! No time! No rosegen!” A-ga replied with his broken English he could best managed. A-ga was a local guide. Every time this year, the whole world came here to claim the top of the world, all the rich men. It’s not right. But they got the permission and he got the blessing.
Athena came close to A-ga, just when she’s about to speak, she heard A-ga’s prayer. “Gods above. Hear me. Glory be you. Bless your subject and servant. Guide us. Lead us to safety. Lead us home. We will remember your glory, your victory.”
Athena remained silent. She frowned. But she turned away.
“A-ga! A-ga! Can you hear me? Over.” Kurt was heard over the transceiver.
“Ko! No time! No rosegen!” A-ga responded with worries.
“I know. You have to come back. You need to come back NOW! You’re running low on oxygen supply.”
“He doesn’t go, Ko!”
“Neil? Jake? A-ga, let me speak to Neil.”
Before Kurt could finish his request, Neil took the radio. “Kurt, We are here! The summit! It’s right in front of us. I can see it.”
“Neil?” Kurt asked.
“Yes, yes, it’s me. We are here!”
Kurt took a short pause. “Neil, listen. I know how you feel. And I know that you can see the summit.”
“It’s right in front of me, okay, Kurt?” As if not sure Kurt heard him right, he repeated again. “ The summit is right in front of me. And I see it! Over!”
Again, Kurt let a few seconds of silence passed before he spoke again. He tried to convince Neil with a softer speech. “Neil, I know you can see the summit. But it’s much farther away then you think. You wasted too much time getting there. And you’re about to run out of you oxygen. I mean, the three of you. Please, listen, you’re a doctor, you can think for yourself. You know people can’t think properly when their brains don’t get enough oxygen. You know I’m right. And the longer you stay in the dead zone, more harm it’s gonna do to your body. You also know that. Trust me, my job is not only to get you up there, but also make sure you come back save and sound.” Kurt took a moment of quiet reassurance. “Over.”
Neil was silent. He didn’t understand. He’d got here, the top of the world in front of him. Why should he give up? No! He would not give up!
Jake hiked ahead while Kurt and Neil had their conversation over the radio. He believed, no, he knew he would make it.
“Jae! Back! Back! No rosegen!” A-ga hollered behind Jake. The freezing cold air tore his throat like blaze.
Jake didn’t answer. He didn’t have time to play number games with these people. He needed to focus on his own battle, the battle with Nature, and the battle with himself.
“Neil? Do you read me? You need to get back here right now. Trust me.” Kurt pleaded.
Neil looked at the transceiver in his hand. He stared at it. He knew Kurt was afraid that things might get out of control. He’s a coward. Maybe he just didn’t want to admit his information was wrong. After all the boasts about the latest technology, it’d just too embarrassing to admit none of it worked better than his naked eyes. But Kurt’s going to ruin his victory. He wasn’t going to be happy climbing this stupid mountain. He’s not here to sightsee the stupid scenery, not after the money he spent. He’s not a mug. Neil handed the transceiver to A-ga who was trying to call Jake back. A-ga turned and looked at Neil, then turned and looked at Jake, a step and a step away.
“Come back. Come back.” A-ga spoke now with a hoarse voice.
Neil sat down on the snow. He wouldn’t compromise. He wouldn’t. He didn’t look at A-ga. He just sat down on the road.
“Neil? You need to come back. I can’t ask A-ga to risk his own life for you. Do you understand me, Neil?” A-ga pushed the transceiver to Neil. But Neil refused to look at him like a child in a bad mood. And he refused to listen to the voice of Kurt now buzzing in his ears trying to wake him from a spell larger than human understanding. “Neil? You need to come back. Or I’ll have to call A-ga back. I can’t ask him to risk his own life for you. Do you read me, Neil?”
Jake was still hiking upward step by step. He heard nothing but the hushed thumps of his feet sinking in the mushy snow, like the roots of a tree, burying deep underground stretch by stretch, like the cold, pierced his heart inch by inch, like his memory, faint to a vague tinge, leaving what’s before his eyes, the sacred silence and brightness.
Athena was mumbling in Jake’s ears. “Victory! Victory! Victory!” Athena laughed hysterically. And then she reminded herself of someone.
Athena looked at the man shielded from his reason by her power. She suddenly reminded herself of someone she once knew, maybe once adored. She reminded herself of, Dionysus.
The damned, cursed and drunk Dionysus. The weak, disgusting creature with those women dancing and chanting around him, those crazy women, refusing to believe in her own victory, her power. She was the goddess of women. But they, rather danced naked around this thing. They failed her.
Jake fell. He wasn’t even trying to breathe with the last strength of his. And Athena looked.
| D |
onald continued with his lonesome steps, trying to walk back step after step. He didn’t care about the summit anymore. He didn’t care. He only wanted to step on the ground, again and again, until he walked down the mountain, until he walked home.
Donald saw something on the desert snow, a shadow, no! A Man!
Athena watched Donald getting closer and closer. She wanted to let the world remember her again, fear her again, see her again, recognize her again. She wanted the world to know that she, was the goddess of victory, she, and she alone is king, is god, is holy, is the glorious victory.
“Kurt? Oh my god, Kurt? It’s Don.”
“Yes, I can hear you. Is everything okay?”
“It’s Jake. He fell, oh god.” Donald kneeled down with great difficulty and pain near Jake. He tried to feel his pulse. He tried to check if he’s still alive. But he felt nothing. Donald could barely move. Tears were already flowing down his cheeks. It’s an old fear, a personal fear from long ago. He needed to do something like he could have done something. He wanted to call out his name. But he couldn’t open his mouth and he couldn’t speak.
There was a shock. But Kurt proceeded with a stern encouragement. “Donald, I know it’s gonna be hard, really, really hard. But I want you to come down. We can’t help him. You need to get back. Listen, we can’t help him.”
“But,”
Athena stepped forward and covered Donald’s ears with both of her hands.
“Don, under the circumstance, we need at least seven man to carry him down. Jake’s a big fella. There’s nothing you can do. There’s nothing we can do now. We’ll find help. But you need to get back savely.”
Donald couldn’t hear Kurt. He looked at the transceiver in his hand. He knew Kurt was talking, but he couldn’t hear it. Then he looked at Jake, now lying helplessly before him. He could only hear the voice in his head, “you shouldn’t left him, Donald Sherton, You killed him! You killed him!” It was sunny back in California when they buried Kenny, when Debora screamed at him.
Athena still pressed her hands on Donald’s head. Her eyes were red. But her mouth was tight. She wanted to let the world, everyone that dared to tread on this road, remember that she, was the goddess of victory.
“Don? Can you hear me? Over.”
Donald sat down hopelessly. He was exhausted. He wanted to do something. But he didn’t know what to do. He would do it if only he knew what. But he’s so tired.
“Kenny, ” Donald asked. His voice was trembling. He could feel the lines on his face and the cuts on his lips. “do you hate me?”
Plain whiteness was the temporary vision of a long-ceased friendship responded back to him. It did not speak. It did not offer advice nor generate any possible solution. It did not curse. It did not demand repayment. It did not ask of sympathy and it offered none. It did not warm. Nor did it increase the blow. It did not point with its finger. And it did not try to pad his back with its hand. The blinding whiteness eventually faint out. Shapes occurred before Donald again. And he realized that this man, lying before him, was not Kenny. Kenny was dead. And no matter what he could have done, it wouldn’t matter now. He also realized that Kurt was right. He couldn’t possibly drag him down, nor could he carry him with his worn out flesh.
“I understand, Kurt. I’m coming down.”
“Good, thank God, Don. There’s nothing we can do right now. No one can blame you. But you must go on. You must go on. Over”
“Roger. Over.”
Athena stood where she was. She watched Donald left again. Her hands were still raised mid-air where she deafened the reason of an old man. Donald was suffering. His body was tormented by this quest. His prosthetic legs had robbed his real skin raw and bloody. He could barely manage a full step. But he’s without a doubt, walking, limping once or twice, on the journey of his return. Athena stared. The glory of the gods was no more. Her victory had ended. She Kneeled down. She crawled towards the unconscious victim of her pride. She reached out her hands. She closed her hands at the throat of Jake’s, harder and harder she unleashed her anger, deeper and deeper her fingers dived into his flesh.
Athena cried, “I am the goddess of victory!”
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